Monday, December 31, 2018

A Ton of Bricks





I am learning a lesson which I never wanted to learn
It hit me like a sack of bricks.
Breaking my heart as it pounds.

When people wrong others,
They will wrong you too,
know they won't change.

I always wanted to believe people can change for the good.
I wanted to believe there was good in all people.
I wanted to believe the apologizes.
I wanted to believe the vows of friendship.

All lies.

I had something they wanted,
so for that time, I was their friend,
or what they think a friend is

When I have nothing to offer but my friendship,
they were gone.
And I am left broken hearted
and cursing myself for trusting them.

Feeling myself crumble under the bricks
Tears are all dried up now
It hit me like a ton of bricks

I never saw it coming.

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Hold on?

Hold on tight, no matter how lousy you feel
Cry if you want, but don’t give up.
It burns and your miserable but you keep fighting

Hold on tight, but no one cares
Scream out loud, but no one cheers
It scorches your soul but you keep fighting

Rotten and moldy, frail and rancid,
but why do you still hold on?
Why do you hold on to rotten dreams,
Broken promises, and lies of devotion

Let go of those rats, the tricksters, and deceivers
Take charge of your life, move on and be happy
Turn away from those who wish you harm,
They seek to damage and berate you.

Take charge of your life, hold on to those
Who are true and just, pure, and honorable
Hold onto tight to those who cheer you on
No matter the costs, they will be there
Hold on tight to those lift you up who you to succeed

Hold on to them, and let go of the rest.   

Do we expect too much?

Image may contain: one or more people




I wrote this poem a while ago, but it still rings true. What do you expect
from your friends and are we expecting too much? Do you give your friends what
you expect from them?  I am asking myself these same questions.


Was it all a lie?
The things you said
And the things you did?


Wasted phone calls and texts
Wasted tears, wasted time


Vulnerable, trusting, naïve
Sensitive, exposed, defenseless
Heartache, bitterness, and sadness


Trust no one
Shall I live my life with distrust

Self-doubt and uncertainty

How do you overcome when
All I knew was deception.


Hide myself and block out the world
or
Rise above and let in the world


How to do you let in the world?
And let in more lies, hate, and deceit.


Hold onto to what you know,
But
What did you know?



When friendship was a lie

Friday, December 21, 2018

Red Balloon

Most people who know me, know that I am afraid of clowns. Of course, this leads to them saying things like, "They all float down here," or "Hey Georgie!"  And one of my favorites, red balloons popping up all over the place.

 As anyone who has seen the movie IT or read the book will know Pennywise most times has a red balloon or there is a red balloon shows up when he is near. 
One of my middle school students gave me a Christmas present. 

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Monday, December 17, 2018

Thou Shalt Weep No More



Battered, Bleeding, and bruised
My spirit sags as it weeps but
No more
Distressed, lacerated, and mauled
I lay on the floor but
I weep no more

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my the promise
Thou Shalt Weep No more

I gave you hope, I gave you trust
Now you scamper off like the
Rat you have proven to be
The cankerous promises
The corrosive lies of
Friendship and devotion

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my heart
Thou shalt weep no more

Innocent, pure and unadulterated
Friendship tossed away
As it festers into nothingness.

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my heart
Thou Shalt Weep no more

I am free from those
Burdens that lock us in place
I never again will fall prey
To those whose corrode the purity of friendship

No more shall I weep
No more shall I mourn
A friendship that rots away
As it decays my heart
Thou Shalt Weep No more

Saturday, December 15, 2018

And I ask Why?



The storm rages on
Though my heart it bleeds
A burst of passion in my soul
As the winds rage on

A squall’s wrath makes the windows shake
The night sky electrifies
By the blast of the light

And I sit inside
Wondering why
I hear the rain
As it taps, the wind as it howls and still
I ask why

The illumination of the sky
And I ask myself why

The rains pour down, the thunder explodes
And I ask why

I ask why

I am Fine





I was fine when you hurt me.
I was fine when you left
I was fine when you said I was the best.

I was fine when you came back
And I say I am fine when you
Left again.

For I always knew the time would come.
So I lie, and I say I am Fine.

I am fine.

Check out my book on Kindle and Paperback!

 Check out my book on Kindle and Paperback! 
I always wanted to be a mom. After my miscarriage, I thought it would never happen. God had a wonderful plan for my life. I just have to wait and put my faith in Him. Many women suffer the tremendous loss of a miscarriage. They often believe they are alone, but they are never alone. Rest assured that it is not anyone’s fault! It is simply a sad component of life. In every four pregnancies, one ends in a miscarriage. I am sharing my story to help other women who have experienced the same pain I have.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Van, My Artist

This is amazing! He is in the first grade! Just being a proud mom for a moment!


Sunday, November 11, 2018

Role Play Nerds



Have you ever wanted to roleplay, but don't have the time? In this group, you can set up a starter and ask for certain characters. People will join your post and role play. No need to be active! Rp when you can!


Role Play Nerds

Saturday, November 10, 2018

B.A. Book Covers and Designs

Are you in need of a book cover or other artwork? Message me! I will work with you to get you what you need for your project! Check out these photos for work I have already done!

B.A. Book Covers and Designs












Saturday, November 3, 2018

First Chapter Birth After Miscarriage

Come read my first chapter. If you like what you've read. the rest of the story can be found on Amazon and Barnes and Nobles.


Ever since my mother died when I was eleven years old, I wanted to be a mom. She was an amazing and inspiring woman. I hope to one day be half the woman she was.
I didn't get married to have a baby. I didn't try to have a family until we were 5 years into our marriage. It gave us the opportunity to spend time together and learn each other on a deeper level.
When Devin said he was ready to be a dad, I was excited. I wanted to make a doctor's appointment to ensure I was healthy enough to bear a child.
We discussed plans surrounding the baby's arrival and dreamt sweetly about name options. The thoughts were beautiful. We were ready for this next phase in our lives.
I figured I'd become pregnant immediately, but it did not happen that way. We created a calendar so I could record the basal temperature readings from my ovulation tests along with my ovulation and menstrual cycles. Unfortunately, it became more expensive than we had anticipated it would be.
"Stop buying these tests. We don't have enough money for you to keep doing this," Devin kept telling me. "It will happen when God wants it to happen."
Although I didn't give up, I didn't expect to become pregnant. I was frustrated because I thought God wanted me to be a mom. Was something wrong with me? Had I been wrong?
I tested regularly without seeing the results I hoped for. When we first tried to have a baby, I took the pregnancy test before I missed my menstrual cycle. I was so anxious that I circled the earliest dates on my calendar when I could expect the most accurate testing results.
After months of negative outcomes, I gave up on the idea of having a child. I know of women who tried for years without ever becoming pregnant. In comparison, I had not been trying for a long time, but I was still frustrated with the process and the absence of a child.
I went to my doctor for a regular checkup who had become pregnant after enduring a struggle very similar to my own. She was now five months pregnant and thought she should offer her advice.
"Get an ovulation tester. Sperm can live up to five days in the uterus, so it's good to have sperm in there before you ovulate. The younger the sperm are, the stronger they are. But once the egg drops, you only have twelve hours to fertilize it before it deteriorates."
Our conversation helped me tremendously. I had been misusing the testers. I thought I should have been indulging in sexual intercourse once I started to ovulate, but that was extremely far from the truth. Starting a few days before I ovulated would increase my chance of becoming pregnant. Once the egg dropped, I would have a supply of sperm waiting for it.
I had always been amazed at how people struck gold on their first try. But, as Devin said, "It will happen in God's time, not ours."


If you like this and wish to read more, click the link to download the e-book from Amazon or purchase the paperback.

Amazon e-book

Amazon Paperback

Barnes and Nobles

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Birth After Miscarriage



 Birth After Miscarriage

 This is the Kindle edition to my book has been updated and edited by my editor. Please read it and leave a review. Thank you. You don’t have to have a Kindle to get this. You can download the app on any phone or even your PC.I always wanted to be a mom. After my miscarriage, I thought it would never happen. God had a wonderful plan for my life. I just have to wait and put my faith in Him. Many women suffer the tremendous loss of a miscarriage. They often believe they are alone, but they are never alone. Rest assured that it is not anyone’s fault! It is simply a sad component of life. In every four pregnancies, one ends in a miscarriage. I am sharing my story to help other women who have experienced the same pain I have.

Monday, October 22, 2018

Shattered

Shattered


It pushes me down.
I can't breathe.
How can this happen?
I gasp for air as I am torn to pieces.
Torn apart.
My hopes and dreams gone in an instant.
The pictures of my future shattered.
How do you go on from here?
How do you glue a shattered person back together?
Pick me up as I am in pieces on the floor.
A hollow existence of my former self.
Moving through the motions of daily life as I go.
My shattered heart ached to be mended.
How could you trust again in this shattered life?

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Forgotten

Image result for doll in trash


Forgotten

It sits in heaps of trash
Taken before its time
Molding and rotting away
Forgotten


Left to fester as the smells
Waft from the heap of rubbish
Tossed aside, left along the street
Forgotten

It falls through the cracks
No one can see or hear
The cries and aches
Forgotten

Easily forgotten, tossed aside
No need to return. The damage is done
Forgotten by others, but not by thy self

For what was forgotten will never forget

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Waves

Image result for waves


The wind blows as the seasons' change
A change of direction and all is lost
I sit looking out wondering where I went wrong


Lost in an endless sea of winds as my heart
Breaks and scatters on the wind


The current takes me away, rushing past
I float away looking back, seeing I am nothing
Nothing floating away, drifting endlessly
In a sea of doubt, the current takes me


As the tides goes out, I am left adrift.
Drifting in and out as the sea roars on
Lost as I wonder where I went wrong.

Monday, September 3, 2018

Book on Amazon

The book is still available. Its 3.99 for the Kindle version and 17.48 for the paperback. If you got it and read it let me know what you think.

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Flight 532

I entered a writing contest but didn't win. I got my short story back and edited it. I am liking it much better now.
Flight 532 took off with no issues. There were no complications, the flight crew went
through their routine as they always do. Nothing I saw made me worried for the flight.  
We crashed somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean.  Many did not survive the crash.
I did my best to help. The blood and gore didn't bother me as much as it affected the others. Oh, the blood. The sweet smell.  I wrapped their bodies for burial, and I placed them in their shallow graves.
If you saw me, you assume that I was just in shock or suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, but I wasn't. Death excited me.
The 5 of us John, Abigail, Michael, Beth and myself survived. My name is Lily.
The winds came the second night. A strong wind carried my name, “Lily…. Lily.” It called. I moaned as I slept, but I kept hearing the voice in my head.
As much as I tried to sleep, I kept having nightmares.  Beth was sleeping when a figure appeared before her. I swear it looked as if the figure smiled. Beth woke with a start and screamed as the figure sliced her throat.  He continued to cut into her as the spray of her blood spewed from her body. I crept over to her body as the man left. I ran my fingers through her hair and moved my fingers in her blood as if it were natural to do so.
“Sleep well,” I said with a smile.
I woke that morning to screams.
“Beth, Beth!” The others screamed as they searched for her.
A puddle of blood was lay where Beth once slept.  I still had blood on my hands.  How could this be? It was just a dream I told myself. Why were my hands covered in blood? Where did Beth go? I ran to the water and washed my hands.
After a while, they had given up hope on finding Beth.  I sat on the beach staring at the waves trying to push away this feeling of guilt. I smiled and laughed as she died. “What’s wrong with me?”
The next night the demon killed John. I laughed and danced around the tree as his feet dangling in the air.  Every night the demon killed another person, and the excitement in me grew with each kill. The dreams excited me.  The demon strangled Abigail. That one didn't excite me as much. I found I enjoyed watching the blood pour from his victims far better.  I pleased the murderer. He even let me cut off Michael’s head. Oh, how exciting it was to slice through his neck as the blood splatter upon my face. I never had thoughts such as these.  Something or someone unlocked this my want for blood and death.
I woke on the fifth day and the beach was silent. I was alone. The only sounds I heard were the lapping of the waves, the beat of my heart echoing in my ears and the voice.  It called once again.
“Who are you?” I called out. “Why are you giving me these dreams?”
The winds stopped as the voice fell silent and I panicked. I was the only one left.  Was this demon coming for me now?
I walked into the woods hoping to find what was hunting me and kill it before it could kill me. Sitting on a stump, I found a walking stick and sharpened it. I needed to defend myself.
I came upon an abandoned cabin.  It was an old wooden cabin that smelled of blood and rotting flesh. I am ashamed to admit but I vomited. At first, the smell excited me but this was poignant. A smell I was not expecting it to be so powerful/
Still, I wanted to explore the cabin.   I grabbed the doorknob but pulled away as blood was covering it. The blood shocked me but it didn’t phase me. I entered the Cabin and let out a gasp as I saw the bodies of my fallen peers hanging in various positions. In the center of the room sat Abigail in rusted steel chair with straps confining her to the chair.  He displayed weapons of torture through the workshop.  Two clamps held Michael’s head as his body lay on the floor.  Beth lay on a table with straps across her body and poor John.  He dismembered John’s body and placed each body part in a glass jar. My hands shook as I examined the jars. This is insane. Get out! Get out now!
Winds came rushing in behind me as the door opened.  I turned to see a figure standing there watching me.  “Welcome home Lily. Are you here to join me or just watch as you do in your dreams?” He asked.
The shadow moved toward me. “That’s a good girl. I can tell how excited you are. We’ve been waiting for you.”
I smirked for I knew he will not kill me and will help him. I’m home.
“Now go home and dream more victims up for me,” he commanded.
The next morning I woke back in my bed at home. “Was this a dream?” I wondered.
I walked into my living room and turned on the news.
The reporter spoke, “Yes that is correct 199 passengers on flight 532  confirmed dead.
I gasped as I felt a cool breeze rush through my apartment. “Lily….” The voice was back. I turned around as the shadow figure was in my doorway.

Girl Scout Cookies

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