Sunday, April 29, 2018

Be Yourself


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When we are in high school, we are so focused

on who we are and who are our friends

we missed out on some great friends.

 If I could go back, I would be less

concerned with whom I hung out with and

just had fun.  In college it was different,

for me anyway, it seemed like it didn't matter anymore.

 Because of this I made some amazing friends.

So if anyone is in this situation, just remember

it is okay to be yourself and be friends with whoever

you want to be.  Maybe the person you least expect

will be your best friend.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Van's Ear and Medical Advice 😕

My son Van had many ear infections when he was a baby. Due to this he had a lot of fluid in his middle ear that was interfering with his ability to hear. This also lead to a delay in his speech and his overall learning. He had surgery to put tubes in his ear, so the fluid could come out the tubes and Van could hear.

Van's ears

I am not a medicine for everything type of person but I am also not the holistic girl either. I believe in a balance. I know some won't agree but what you do with your body and your family is your business.  So I take my kids to a chiropractor and I go as well. Don't really know if it helps with anything else then my back feeling good. My chiropractor tells not give my kids vaccinations and to cancel Van's surgery for his ears.  He says that if Van gets adjusted three times a week, he won't have any fluid in his ears. Well great! Let me just tell my son that you may not may not hear for however long it takes for the Chiropractor to clear your ears. Furthermore, let me get my advice from someone who calls himself a doctor but never went to medical school.

Oh and somehow get you to the chiropractor three times a week! That's a laugh! And when they say that Zelda has autism because of her vaccinations I cringe.   They don't know what causes autism! But hey there are five kids in Devin's family who are on the spectrum! Yet people still say its vaccinations! I am not saying I have the answers but let's play would you, rather. Would I rather have Zelda the way she is or Zelda who has or has had mumps, rubella, or many of the other things we vaccinate for. So let me take medical advice from the doctor who never went to medical school. Furthermore, what kind of person tells a mother with an autistic child that you gave her autism.    

  I feel sometimes you need to take medicine and sometimes you don't.  I am tired of the pressure of this chiropractor's office. It is as if he is trying to make me feel bad for choosing medicine.

These blogs are rather old, but I have updated them.  Vance had his surgery. He couldn’t hear anything beforehand and not he hears wonderfully. He doesn’t like loud noises but I think that’s natural from someone couldn't really hear for a long time.
Yes, Zelda has Autism. When she was four years old, she hardly spoke and now her biggest issue in school is talking too much. Though I will save how wonderful she is for another post.

Want to read more

Friday, April 27, 2018


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Each spring day I think of you

I wonder where life would have taken us.
I wonder if we would have fought through my teen years.  
Is this image of you that rolls around in my head true?
Or just the memory of a girl who lost her mom.

Would you be here for my kids?
Do you watch us from above?
Are you proud or me or did I let you down?

Each day that goes by, I remember you less.
Only through photos are my memories clear
Each day that does by, your voice fades more.

I wonder where life would have taken us
How different would life be if you were still here?
Is the dream in my head true of just
Or just the wish of a girl who lost her mom.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

I Give up on Sleep

I give up on sleep!

A note to all new mommies out there. This phase
will not last long. Treasure it while you can.
Treasure those times cuddling while your baby eats.
Treasure this special time with them, for soon
they will sleep all night and so will you;
but you will miss your cuddling time.

I give up on sleep.  I have tried and failed.  

My son Van is up every two hours to eat.

 He sleeps a lot during the day, which is frustrating

because his sister is up all day.  This makes for one

tired mommy. I was breastfeeding until a few days ago.

During this time, I walked through life like a zombie.

 In dire need of caffeine, I switched to baby formula

instead of breastfeeding. I would have switched to

formula soon anyway, because I won’t be able to breastfeed

while at work, but this is a little earlier than

I planned on.  I feel bad, because I know that breast

milk is the best for the baby, but I was exhausted.

I know people who have gone back to work right after

having a baby and I can’t figure out how they do it.

I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The long nights for

breastfeeding took a toll on me.  My husband told me

that most people do not have C-section and I should

not compare myself to others.   He said, “They inflicted

a mortal wound on you, and then they stitched you up and

gave you a baby to take care of.  So you are healing and


My husband can help me feed Van a little but, it is still

me feeding him most of the time. I don’t mind. It is

my time with him and I treasure that.  Having my husband

just take one feeding is letting me sleep a good 4

hours which was better than what I was getting before.

At least I can have coffee now!  My daughter has also been

mommy needy.  I felt bad because I couldn’t give her all

the attention she needed.  I know that she has to get

used to it, but today I was feeding Van and Zelda was

screaming.  She was just screaming for attention,

but it made mommy very sad.

How am I going to do this when I go back to work?

 I don’t have the option to stay home.  I know there

is a great debate between mothers who stay home and

mothers who work.  Some of my friends are stay at home

moms and have told me to just cut back on what we

spend and I could stay home too.  Well, I’m sure if

they looked at my finances they would see that was

impossible. I carry the family health insurance,

and we need the money.  I have decided not to go back

to my part-time job. I haven’t told them yet.

By not working there, it will give me some extra time

with the kids.

Okay well it is five in the morning and the baby is up.

 Time for mommy to make coffee.

Remember, this time does not last long. You might feel
like your entire life will be nothing more diapers and
bottles; but it won't be. Treasure this time.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

If All You Had to Offer Was Friendship

Image result for if all you had to offer was friendship

 I heard this amazing speaker, and he said, “If all you have to offer is friendship, who would still be your friend.” I thought about this and I realized how true this statement was. When I was little, my mother told me if you could count on your hand 5 good friends you are a wealthy person.

So then I ask you, what does it mean to be a friend?  When everything you have to offer them is gone, who would still be your friend.

I realized this over this past week. You see my friends and I ran a role play group on Facebook. For those of you who don’t know, a role play group is when you write as a particular character. You create plots with your friends and think as your character would think. I loved it. It helped me become a better writer and helped me work out different ideas for stories. However, it's hard to keep a fake life up when your real life is too busy. So after 3 years, we have closed the doors to this group. Being an admin, writing plots for people, and regulating the group was becoming a burden when it used to be for fun.  

Each one of us was afraid to speak about it. We thought we would let the other admins down if we confess this. I spoke up. Having a full-time job, 3 kids, a fiancee was all too much. My kids are in sports, scouts and still need help with their homework.   Others on the admin team, were busy with school and work and were thinking of leaving. So as a team, we all decided it was time to move on.

Now I ask you, those who were in this group, and many people have been over the past 3 years. Do you still consider me a friend when I do not have a group to offer you?  When friendship is all I have to offer, are you still my friend?  


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This is me about 7 years ago. I had just started to write again.
Looking back now I see the great journey I started here.
No I am not published yet but I have two books finished and one
I am about to finish. I never thought I would come this far when
I started writing again 7 years ago.

Where do I begin?  That is the big question.  I have been sitting

at my computer for a while now, trying to figure this out.  There are

so many things I can say and want to say. I am just so excited to be

writing again.  I guess I will start at the beginning. I want to become

a better writer and writing a blog can help me get there.

The more you write the better you get, and the more you let others

read your work the more feedback you receive.  I have to learn to

take criticism, and then take what I have learned from it, and improve

my writing. I wrote a book last year about my miscarriage and the birth

of my daughter.  My husband just read the book and had criticisms.

After swallowing my pride, and realizing that he is right, I edited my book.

I hope to have another version or edition to upload sometime this year.

I love writing!  As I write more, I learn new things and better ways to say

what I am thinking.

I was reading a blog that one of my friends wrote and I said to myself that

I could do that. I followed her format and used the same website she used.

I have also read more.  By reading some of the world’s best authors, I can

become better. I started with one of the best and one of my favorites, Tolkien.

 It had been a long time since I read The Hobbit, but still a wonderful story.

 I have been looking through my bookshelf pulling out books I want to read.

 I hope I can find time for them all.

Now the only thing left to do is to keep myself accountable.  I need to write

and read daily. I am not saying I will post something every day but I should

work on it every day.  If you follow this blog, please keep me accountable.

If you don’t see a post at least each week, please yell at me.  I have these

great ideas, but sometimes I lack on the follow through. Till next time when

I will post something more interesting.  I promise.

Update:  I have been writing everyday for the past 7 years. Still not published but
I hope you enjoy the stories that I have made and the posts.  If you are
interested in reading more, please check out my Wattpad account.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

My Thoughts While Pregnant with Vance

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These are thoughts I had when I was pregnant with my son Vance.

December 14, 2010 at 4:14pm
Yesterday I felt like my water was breaking.  I called my doctor, and they told me
to come to the hospital. I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child and I had a
c-section with my first one.  While at the hospital they hooked me up to monitors
and saw I was having contractions. They later gave me an IV of fluids and did
several tests. They decided that I had a UTI and gave me a prescription.  However,
they also noticed that my baby's heartbeat had dropped at several places. The hospital
does not do ultrasounds at night so I was sent home.  My doctor has scheduled me for
an ultrasound for tonight. I am worried.  Why would I have contractions? I didn't feel
them, just uncomfortable. Could the cord be bugging the baby? Could he be pulling
on it or could it be around his neck? My husband thinks they would not have sent me
home if there was something wrong, but I thought they just didn't want to worry me.
A hospital that doesn't do ultrasounds? I mean they made me wait until the next day.
And I didn’t have an appointment until that night.

The ultrasound tech said everything was good.  Baby looked good, he is
about 6 pounds, and everything was good.  He only mentioned that there
was enough amniotic fluid and that it was on the high side, but I got a call
from the doctor today saying that there was too much fluid.  So I am not sure
what this means. She said he has too big of a swimming pool. Therefore,
I am going for blood work tomorrow to test my blood sugar levels and they
are sending me to fetal maternal medicine.  Therefore, I panicked again but
then when they call with my appointment they say January 5! What! If it was
that important why wait? Keep in mind this was December 16th. I have a
regular appointment tomorrow so maybe I can learn more but I have never
heard of having too much fluid.
Update:  Vance is now 7 years old. The fluid didn't seem to be much of an issue.
Vance has some behavioral issues he takes Concerta for but that seems to be something
that most people in his family have and nothing related to the amount of fluid

I wanted to give updates in case others have the same or similar questions.

Monday, April 23, 2018

vaginal after C-section or a C-section

I wrote this back in 2011. I had a c-section with my first child and I was
trying to decide what was the best alternative for the birth of my second child.

My husband and I are trying to decide what we should do.  He seems okay
with leaving the decision up to me but I am not sure what I want to do. Though
I would have like to decide together it seems more like he didn’t care.
I know that there are dangers with C-sections or a cesarean section
and with VACS (vaginal after C-section); I had a c-section with my
daughter in October 2009, and now I am due Jan. 24 2011.
 I know that they are close and I am not sure if this affects the decision or not.
My doctor told me that if I want to have more kids, than I should do I VACS,
but she also said I could have 3 C-sections.  I know people how have had 3 or
even 4. I am just not sure if I can put my baby's life in danger so I can have the
chance to have more kids. I am not even sure which is better. I want to know
what is healthier for my baby.  Any suggestions?

A c-section is scheduled.  This will help with husband’s job and with the
logistics of my cousin watching Zelda.  I won’t be in labor as I was with
Zelda and even then, I had to have a c-section. This time they cannot induce
me as they did with Zelda.  I will get more time off work and I have been told
that you heal faster with the second c-section than you did with the first.  
There are risks with a c-section because it is still a surgery, but if scheduled
I could choose my doctor and everything will be ready, unlike an emergency
c-section.  If I have a C-section, I can only have C-sections after that.


My son Vance just turned 7 years old and we did have a c-section for him.
It was the right choice. At birth he was bigger than Zelda so he would have
been a c-section anyway and if we went ahead with trying to have a Vaginal
The most serious risk of a trial of labor is that a C-section scar could
come open during labor.  This is very rare. But when it does happen,
it can be very serious for both the mother and the baby. Yes they say it is rare,
however I have talked to a few people who it has happened to and knowing
the size Van was at birth I would not be surprised if it would have happened to us.

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